I had no idea what that may be, but I decided to learn how to create websites and make my own space to share my story.
All the odds were against me. I had no family I could turn to. They didn’t get me and I wasn’t about to go begging anybody for help when I could feel the strength pulsing in my veins to do it myself, MY WAY, without in my face judgement (because they were certainly judging me, they just were going to do it my face).
I was going to be my own encouragement and my own cheerleader. I would change my life. I would heal. I would learn how to be the mother I saw in my head. I would forget everything I thought I knew and I would reprogram my mind to create the best version of myself I had ever seen before. I would like to say it all worked out perfectly without a hitch, but that wasn’t the case. I was repeatedly and chronically homeless over and over again. I would love to tell you this story of triumph from the moment I made my decision but honestly it has been filled with chaos, challenge after challenge, failures, grief, sadness, heartache, loss, pain and just about every unhappiness one could name. The one thing about me is that I REFUSED to give up!
I decided to takes all those moments that seemed like misery and use them for learning experiences and tools for my growth. I made conscious choice to grow from the encounters I was faced with. I wasn’t going to run anymore. I was going to have the life I wanted no matter the cost.
It may sound like it was all bad, with nothing could be further from the truth. I had many opportunities to celebrate some wins. It is those wins that have allowed me to still be here today to share my story. It is my hope to encourage some other Mom that she can make it no matter what. That she doesn’t need anyone to validate her. She doesn’t need a man (it’s perfectly Ok to want one and have one, but it’s entirely another thing the need them). I wanted to make sure I never needed another person again for anything. If it wasn’t mutual, I did not want it.
I have made mistakes, but as I stated before, I used them for personal development and spiritual growth.
I have been on a constant quest to obtain the skills necessary to reparent myself. This is not a put down or attack on those who had a hand in raising me, because they simply just did not know any better; however, there lack of knowing was not going to be a crutch or constant regurgitating of a bad story that kept me stagnant and stuck.
In December 2014 I struck on I-10 West headed to California with my three daughters in search of who I was and a new life. I have spent much of the time I have been on the West Coast learning how to grow up and what it means to be a woman. A real woman who is there for her children. One who doesn’t run from obstacles. One who takes accountability for her mistakes and grows from them. A woman who does the work on herself.
One major take-away from all of this is that my health and wellness is primary and is my responsibility. If I am going to be a good anything, I have to make sure to take care of ME; mind, body, and soul.